My boyfriend and I met in college and have been in a relationship for six years, the last three being long distance. I feel as though we've grown up together and learned so much from one another. He's like my best friend. At this point I believe the next step should be marriage and children. When I brought up that step in our lives to him he said that he wasn't ready. I got really upset and told him that we should take some time apart to seriously think about if we have the same kind of future in mind. Then my boyfriend surprised me by deciding to move here and live together. I'm happy about it because now it finally feels like we're taking the next step in our relationship. We're settled in our careers and we should know what we want out of life but I want a solid commitment from him. I want to bring up the marriage issue again but I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring him. Help?
Sincerely,
Wanting A Bigger Commitment
Dear Wanting A Bigger Commitment,
If I can be frank with you it seems as though the "move" was strategic on his part in hopes to pacify you enough to forget the idea of marriage, at least for a little while. Clearly, that isn't the case. However, you're not bringing it up is giving him the (wrong) impression that his plan actually worked. Pressure? GIRL BYE! YOU BETTER ASK HIM ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT YOU HAVE!!! Every. Last. One. In six years I have to concede that you have earned the right to ask him anything about your relationship. Moving in is a big step. But that's just it. It's a step. In your case it's important to know towards what. In fact, I suggest you have the talk before you move in together just to make sure you both are on the same page as far as what the future looks like. Is marriage in the cards at all? Kids? That's obviously important to you. If he doesn't ever want these things then maybe you should reevaluate the relationship. Honestly, if it were me, I would want him to at the very least propose before we were to move in together...like we're too old to shack up.
Otherwise, what really changed? Besides your sex life? Just some food for thought.
xoxo,
Natasha Marie
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