“Beyonce should have titled this album “The Rapture.” It came like a thief in the night and no one knew the day nor hour of its release.” – Charlemagne Tha God
That's right. KING BEY is BACK and taking NO prisoners! I have nothing but the utmost respect for
Beyoncé. This bitch RUNS THE FUCKING WORLD. All other stan groups just need to sit down and shut the fuck up. In fact, send Beyoncé lyrics to your fave and tell her ass to take notes. She's the baddest bitch in America. No. The UNIVERSE. This bitch even runs Uranus. How can you sell 430K in 27 hours with ne'er an S.O.S., a bat signal in the sky, a message in a bottle, nuffin?!? Just laid a golden egg in the middle of the night like the mythical creature that she is and kept on touring. I'm amazed and terrified at the same damn time. Like THERE'S NO WAY! You don't have to like her, her fans, or her music, but dammit you will respect her grind and business savvy or I'm convinced Jesus himself (or Satan, semantics, really) will smite you.
Check out this track-by-track review of Beyoncé:
1. "Pretty Hurts"
The song starts off with a judge from a beauty pageant asking Beyoncé “what’s your aspiration in life?” She responds, “My aspiration in life would be...to be happy.” It’s beyond difficult to find songs with such a strong message that doesn’t feel like the messenger is ingenuine. But Bey is believable. She describes the price of beauty, and the shit we go through in order to feel pretty. It’s more of a selfreflection song and it makes you face your insecurities. The last line of the hook, it’s the soul that needs the surgery, brought everything together full circle.
2. "Haunted"
This instrumental sounds eerie and creeptastic AF. I felt compelled to offer something to the "powers that be": a puppy, money, my mom. I'm not accusing ANYONE of sorcery or mind control via subliminal messages. Just notating my experience. Beyonce introduces the track with an acceptance speech from a competition she won in her childhood, and then it goes into this suspiciously haunting voice. I was a little nervous because I felt like she was requesting the souls of little children circa Hocus Pocus. Again, no accusations, just observations. HOWEVER she was snapping on the lyrics All the shit I do is boring/all these record labels boring/I don’t trust these record labels/I’m touring. I was here for it. I don’t fully understand the correlation between the intended message and the lyrics but whatever.
3. "Drunk In Love" (Feat. Jay Z)
BITCH BEYONCÈ TOLD US WAT DAT MOUF DO!!! I’m always here for the coming together of Jay and Bey...PAUSE. But real shit, the Carters make MAGIC, no Illuminati. I must say the track was absolutely giving me full on American Horror Story, Poltergeist at first but it got better. It reminded me of Crazy in Love, and that was LIFE. With lyrics like I'm grinding on that wood...I’m singing on the mic til my voice hurts... Beyoncè let us know she's a "lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. I see you B, you classy bitch, you. And Jay answered all the
probing questions as to WHY Beyoncé is with him: know I sling Clint Eastwood/hope you can
handle this curve (referencing his movie Trouble With a Curve, not the curvature of his testicular
fortitude) and your breastesses my breakfastess. Eff looks, Jay is a MANDINGO nigga.
YAAASSSSSSSS! I feel personally invited into their sex room. And I'm intently watching this soft
core musical porn. NO shame.
4. "Blow"
This is one of my least favorite songs on the album. The video too. I’m not particularly here for it. I was never here for pseudo70’s sexual Roll Bounce music and that’s what it sounds like. I love the line “Can you lick my skittles it’s the sweetest in the middle.” but that's about all she wrote. Le shrug.
5. "No Angel"
Ummm, the falsetto on this track is terrible. I literally cringed. I looked up the lyrics to figure out WTF she was talking about because I couldn't listen to it all the way through. Apparently this song is about relationships, and how she’s not perfect. Yeah. You get the picture.
6. "Partition"
This track opens with the infamous callandresponse she does at her shows on the Mrs. Carter tour. “Lemme hear you say “HEEEYYYYY MRS. CARTER!”. I'm sure the Hive got mad hype. I guess. She then goes into this marvelous anthem “YONCÈ.” Its TRILL AF! AYYYEEEEEEEEE! She's DOING IT FOR DA RATCHETS!!! And that's my motto. The bitch is rapping. Lawwwd! Drop the bass mane/the bass get lower/Radio say speed it up/I just go slower.../sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker/YONCÈ all on his mouf like liquor. Then she fucked around and said “he Monica Lewinsky’d all over my gown.” BITCH WHEEEETTTTTT?!?
7. "Jealous"
First off, the banshee screaming in the instrumental. Why? Just why? Second, Bey is just giving all types of references to her personal life in this song, but only the HIVE would be able to decode this...which is why I had my Q interpret this musical BeyHive hieroglyphics and shit. Just look at Bey trying to relate to the common folk. Hell, if Beyoncé can get jealous, or has a reason to get jealous I should say, there is NO HOPE for the rest of us. Anyone married to her should recognize that they're with the very DEFINITION of a woman. Chillllle.
8. "Rocket"
Beyoncé is not playing with us. She refuses to let those of us who prefer that our wombs remain unoccupied prosper. She legit just said“let me sit this ass on you”. Ma'am. GTFOH dawg. I REFUSE to deal with this blasphemous shit. This track literally screams unprotected sex sans birth control. She wants the female population to get pregnant sooooo bad. And I will NOT get caught up in the tangled web of conception she's weaving. I see her tricks, and I’m gonna purposely leave this off my slow jam play list. It’s the D’Angelo Untitled of 2013. ATTENTION
4. "Blow"
This is one of my least favorite songs on the album. The video too. I’m not particularly here for it. I was never here for pseudo70’s sexual Roll Bounce music and that’s what it sounds like. I love the line “Can you lick my skittles it’s the sweetest in the middle.” but that's about all she wrote. Le shrug.
5. "No Angel"
Ummm, the falsetto on this track is terrible. I literally cringed. I looked up the lyrics to figure out WTF she was talking about because I couldn't listen to it all the way through. Apparently this song is about relationships, and how she’s not perfect. Yeah. You get the picture.
6. "Partition"
This track opens with the infamous callandresponse she does at her shows on the Mrs. Carter tour. “Lemme hear you say “HEEEYYYYY MRS. CARTER!”. I'm sure the Hive got mad hype. I guess. She then goes into this marvelous anthem “YONCÈ.” Its TRILL AF! AYYYEEEEEEEEE! She's DOING IT FOR DA RATCHETS!!! And that's my motto. The bitch is rapping. Lawwwd! Drop the bass mane/the bass get lower/Radio say speed it up/I just go slower.../sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker/YONCÈ all on his mouf like liquor. Then she fucked around and said “he Monica Lewinsky’d all over my gown.” BITCH WHEEEETTTTTT?!?
7. "Jealous"
First off, the banshee screaming in the instrumental. Why? Just why? Second, Bey is just giving all types of references to her personal life in this song, but only the HIVE would be able to decode this...which is why I had my Q interpret this musical BeyHive hieroglyphics and shit. Just look at Bey trying to relate to the common folk. Hell, if Beyoncé can get jealous, or has a reason to get jealous I should say, there is NO HOPE for the rest of us. Anyone married to her should recognize that they're with the very DEFINITION of a woman. Chillllle.
8. "Rocket"
Beyoncé is not playing with us. She refuses to let those of us who prefer that our wombs remain unoccupied prosper. She legit just said“let me sit this ass on you”. Ma'am. GTFOH dawg. I REFUSE to deal with this blasphemous shit. This track literally screams unprotected sex sans birth control. She wants the female population to get pregnant sooooo bad. And I will NOT get caught up in the tangled web of conception she's weaving. I see her tricks, and I’m gonna purposely leave this off my slow jam play list. It’s the D’Angelo Untitled of 2013. ATTENTION
LADIES: stock up on some plan B. In the meantime, I'm abstaining like shit. My box is off limits.
No thanks B.
9. "Mine"
Definitely one of my favorite songs on this album despite the gheyyyyness that Aubrey's light skinned ass is bringing to the track. I’m fairly certain he dresses in drag as Beyoncé and no one can convince me otherwise. Not to mention his clearly unhealthy obsession with Aaliyah. This nigga is Aaliyah by day and Beyoncé by night but whatever, that’s neither here or there. When she said I’m not feeling like myself since the baby/are we even going to make it? I just wanted to give her a hug. Her vulnerability was endearing. It was humanizing. Such a refreshing take on life changes, post baby, unlike the obnoxious rants we see daily on twitter. Bitch no one cares. Not even Jesus. We could ALL take a bit of advice from this track. “Stop making a big deal out of little things.”
10. "XO"
This song is very cute. I like it and everything but I just don’t have much to say about it. In the darkest night I'll/I'll search through the crowd/Your face is all that I see/I'll give you everything/Baby love me lights out/Baby love me lights out/You can turn my lights out. Like I said. Cute.
11. "Flawless" (aka BOW DOWN)
This shit right here nigga? THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE?!? Snatched the edges, eyebrows, and pubes clean off all of Bey’s competition. Not that she has any. Got everybody round here looking like Rufus the naked molerat. Of course everyone was up in arms because she said BITCHES, but these are the same people that praise K Michelle for her project soundtrack, hoodrat anthem and rappers for sexualizing and degrading women so BYE ASHY. The lyrics are nothing more than a reminder for the lessors to let them know that no one is on her level. PERIOD. She’s the greatest performer since MJ...the TOTAL PACKAGE. Lets be real, who’s still relevant that could possibly sit with the king? Exactly. I know when you were little girls/You dreamt of being in my world/Don't forget it, don't forget it/Respect that/bow down bitches/I took some time to live my life/But don't think I'm just his little wife/Don't get it twisted, get it twisted/This my shit, bow down bitches”... THEN, as if that SLAYAGE wasn’t enough, the song goes into an intriguing piece of commentary about modern feminism by the AMAZING Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Seriously, if you don’t listen to anything else, listen to this piece of commentary. You can hear the whole speech somewhere on youtube. Just type in Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche’s TED Talk on contemporary feminism. The track ends with a piece called Flawless, beautiful and self explanatory. My only gripe is now all the uglies are gonna keep saying they "woke up like this". We know. We can see that. Clearly.
12. "Superpower"
This song is so beautiful and the video is even better. I could've done without Frank Ocean. I'm
9. "Mine"
Definitely one of my favorite songs on this album despite the gheyyyyness that Aubrey's light skinned ass is bringing to the track. I’m fairly certain he dresses in drag as Beyoncé and no one can convince me otherwise. Not to mention his clearly unhealthy obsession with Aaliyah. This nigga is Aaliyah by day and Beyoncé by night but whatever, that’s neither here or there. When she said I’m not feeling like myself since the baby/are we even going to make it? I just wanted to give her a hug. Her vulnerability was endearing. It was humanizing. Such a refreshing take on life changes, post baby, unlike the obnoxious rants we see daily on twitter. Bitch no one cares. Not even Jesus. We could ALL take a bit of advice from this track. “Stop making a big deal out of little things.”
10. "XO"
This song is very cute. I like it and everything but I just don’t have much to say about it. In the darkest night I'll/I'll search through the crowd/Your face is all that I see/I'll give you everything/Baby love me lights out/Baby love me lights out/You can turn my lights out. Like I said. Cute.
11. "Flawless" (aka BOW DOWN)
This shit right here nigga? THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE?!? Snatched the edges, eyebrows, and pubes clean off all of Bey’s competition. Not that she has any. Got everybody round here looking like Rufus the naked molerat. Of course everyone was up in arms because she said BITCHES, but these are the same people that praise K Michelle for her project soundtrack, hoodrat anthem and rappers for sexualizing and degrading women so BYE ASHY. The lyrics are nothing more than a reminder for the lessors to let them know that no one is on her level. PERIOD. She’s the greatest performer since MJ...the TOTAL PACKAGE. Lets be real, who’s still relevant that could possibly sit with the king? Exactly. I know when you were little girls/You dreamt of being in my world/Don't forget it, don't forget it/Respect that/bow down bitches/I took some time to live my life/But don't think I'm just his little wife/Don't get it twisted, get it twisted/This my shit, bow down bitches”... THEN, as if that SLAYAGE wasn’t enough, the song goes into an intriguing piece of commentary about modern feminism by the AMAZING Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Seriously, if you don’t listen to anything else, listen to this piece of commentary. You can hear the whole speech somewhere on youtube. Just type in Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche’s TED Talk on contemporary feminism. The track ends with a piece called Flawless, beautiful and self explanatory. My only gripe is now all the uglies are gonna keep saying they "woke up like this". We know. We can see that. Clearly.
12. "Superpower"
This song is so beautiful and the video is even better. I could've done without Frank Ocean. I'm
not really sure what purpose he served. Maybe she owed him a favor, or he bestowed something
great upon the alter. Either way I'm not here for him.
13. "Heaven"
This song would've tugged on every last one of my heart strings, if I had any. It’s about death, and more importantly letting go of a loved one. This song will make you emotional, and will more than likely bring tears to your eyes. It’s like a softer version of Missing You by Tamia, The Murder, and the rest of those oldheads. You know? When music was meaningful? Y'all don't feel me.
14. "Blue"
King B just wants you to get overly emotional. That has to be it because THERE'S NO WAY. This song is just perfection. It’s an ode to Princess Blue. The lyrics are touching and beautiful. Each day I feel so blessed to be looking at you/because when you open your eyes, I feel alive/my heart beats so damn quick when you say my name/when I'm holding you tight, I'm so alive/now let's live it up. I'm pleasantly surprised and shocked that this was the only track dedicated to Blue Ivy (not that she should've mixed her child in with this lyrical 50 shades sexfest but I digress). Don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not complaining. The video is entirely too cute, with Bey just prancing around Brazil with Blue. Perfect ending.
The concept of this visual album is GENIUS! The tracks are brought to life through the videos and make the cd incredible. If you haven't, watch the videos, it'll change your perception of this album. I tip my hat to Beyoncé KnowlesCarter. She is a PHENOMENAL woman. The fact that she constructed this album, with accompanying videos, while on an international tour, and being a wife and mother. She's an ANOMALY. An amazing unicorn of a woman made of fairy dust, angel tears, and the blood of Christ. She's ON TOP because she deserves to be there. BEYONCÉ is PERFECTION. IDC IDC IDC.
Purchase Beyoncé, on iTunes NOW!
-Natasha Marie
13. "Heaven"
This song would've tugged on every last one of my heart strings, if I had any. It’s about death, and more importantly letting go of a loved one. This song will make you emotional, and will more than likely bring tears to your eyes. It’s like a softer version of Missing You by Tamia, The Murder, and the rest of those oldheads. You know? When music was meaningful? Y'all don't feel me.
14. "Blue"
King B just wants you to get overly emotional. That has to be it because THERE'S NO WAY. This song is just perfection. It’s an ode to Princess Blue. The lyrics are touching and beautiful. Each day I feel so blessed to be looking at you/because when you open your eyes, I feel alive/my heart beats so damn quick when you say my name/when I'm holding you tight, I'm so alive/now let's live it up. I'm pleasantly surprised and shocked that this was the only track dedicated to Blue Ivy (not that she should've mixed her child in with this lyrical 50 shades sexfest but I digress). Don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not complaining. The video is entirely too cute, with Bey just prancing around Brazil with Blue. Perfect ending.
The concept of this visual album is GENIUS! The tracks are brought to life through the videos and make the cd incredible. If you haven't, watch the videos, it'll change your perception of this album. I tip my hat to Beyoncé KnowlesCarter. She is a PHENOMENAL woman. The fact that she constructed this album, with accompanying videos, while on an international tour, and being a wife and mother. She's an ANOMALY. An amazing unicorn of a woman made of fairy dust, angel tears, and the blood of Christ. She's ON TOP because she deserves to be there. BEYONCÉ is PERFECTION. IDC IDC IDC.
Purchase Beyoncé, on iTunes NOW!
-Natasha Marie
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