I have been struggling with forgiving a former friend. Honestly, I don't even know if I can say she was ever truly my friend. But I loved her and she betrayed me. I know we're supposed to forgive and forget but that's easier said than done. I don't want to get into the details surrounding the situation because I'm trying to move past it. Am I wrong for not readily forgiving her? I know I should but I just can't stop hating her. Help!
Signed,
Holding A Grudge
Dear Holding A Grudge,
"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness."
As easy as it is to SAY you should forgive someone it's not always that simple. Sometimes hating someone helps you heal. Sometimes you need to use that hatred as fuel to drive you towards something better. To be completely honest, I used to be the QUEEN of holding grudges. I could disregard your entire existence for all eternity and never think twice about it. But it's different when love is involved. The shift from love to hate does something to you. It can eat away at you from the inside out.
Unfortunately, you'll never truly heal until you forgive her. Until you accept that even if she was wrong you may never get an apology from her. And no matter how much you hate her, you still love her, and that may be the most hurtful and confusing part of it all. To love someone that you hate. But also know this: there is no time frame for which you must "get over it" or move past your hate. Let your feelings play out as they may. Before you know it all of the sadness dissipates until the only thing that remains is a hollow void that you barely notice anymore.
"Scandal" got the cycle right: disappointment turns to frustration, frustration to resentment, resentment to anger, anger to rage, and rage to indifference...because the opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. Hating someone means you still care. Don't worry. You'll get there one day. Don't rush your process. Until then it's perfectly normal for you to think
Natasha Marie
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